


That and You Leaving I Have Memorized

by I am not sure I like this show (thisisnotanendorsement)



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DCU, Supergirl (TV 2015), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Introspection, Past Relationship(s), Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 04:42:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9219455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisnotanendorsement/pseuds/I%20am%20not%20sure%20I%20like%20this%20show
Summary: Knowing someone is about understanding... and about watching them leave.(Most likely unrelated almost drabble pieces)





	1. Wishing for a Heart of Ice

**Author's Note:**

> I was having one of those days where writing on my stories that I should update was not happening, so I went looking for something to get me writing anything.
> 
> Futile search for prompts later, I did the random song thing instead, and found a set of lyrics that made me want to do something. The part with Caitlin kind of came easily. 
> 
> The planned Kara/Mon-El one gave me trouble, but I got to it eventually. I just had a few other couples I had to do as well.

* * *

  
_Sometimes I think_  
_I think I understand_  
_The fear in the boy_  
_The fire in the man_  
_Sometimes I watch_  
_The wonder in your eyes_  
_That and you leaving_  
_I have memorized_  


~Tori Amos, "Roosterspur Bridge"

* * *

Sometimes Caitlin thought that Iris was Barry's safety net. He'd been in love with her for so long that he didn't know how to _not_ be. When he lost everything else, he could cling to her, and he never saw anything outside of that blanket.

Once, they'd both sworn they were moving on from people they couldn't have, and she had tried—only to fall further and perhaps even more miserably in love with another. She'd never thought she'd replace the hole losing Ronnie tore in her with one greater caused by Barry.

He didn't know he was the source of it, and she didn't intend to tell him. At least one of them could be happy. Cisco was grieving Dante—closer to him in death than he'd ever been to his brother in life, and Caitlin not only missed Ronnie, but she had to stand there, every day, and watch Barry leave.

He was a hero. She was used to him running off to save others.

It was him turning to Iris that actually hurt. The way he looked at her, always with such wonder in his eyes, such plain adoration...

Caitlin didn't hate Iris. She wanted to, sometimes, but it wasn't Iris' fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. Her heart had made the wrong choice, again, but it had a bad habit of doing so, one that almost made her wish it was made of ice.

She would rather not care.

Only she did.


	2. Fragments of What Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara muses on what was and what is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to do the Kara/Mon-El piece next. This happened first. I can't pretend I have an explanation, other than I still love the Dick/Babs ship and probably always will.

* * *

Sometimes Barbara wondered if it would be easier if Dick used a door. Then, at least, when their arguments ended, they'd finish with a proper bang instead of an awkward silence. It would be fitting for all the angry words and bitterness that stood between them, a monument to their fractured relationship.

Once they had been more than semi-infrequent collaborators, more than colleagues in this strange world that lived outside the black and white of the law and in the shadows of something they liked to think of as justice, more even than friends.

He had overcome every objection she had—the day job, their night work, and even the chair.

And somehow, despite that, they'd lost it all again.

Now they were not friends.

Dick had lost so much in his life, and he never wanted her to be one of those things, but she was. She hadn't intended to be, had never thought to be someone who mattered as much to him as she did, but she was.

The stupid part of it all was that underneath it all they still cared. He was still that sweet boy she'd known, grown into a man hardened by fire and yet somehow untainted by it and all the darkness he'd known. They were distant now, kept in separate orbits because of his role and her pride.

That didn't mean she didn't miss him.

It just meant she wouldn't admit it.


	3. Keeping the Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara considers her relationship with Mon-El.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, this is now... a thing. I actually think I know of at least two more pairings I can use this prompt for, which is just... well, borderline insane, and I refuse to let myself find more. 
> 
> Though I probably will.

* * *

Mon-El left again, angry, and Kara turned, tempted to hit the nearest wall. She didn't understand how things always managed to go so wrong with them. They'd be in a good place for a while, and then, out of nowhere, something would come along to disrupt it all. She didn't understand why he still hid things from her, why he couldn't just tell her the truth. She wanted to believe in him, but then he'd go and yank that belief right out from under her. She didn't know why. She just knew he did, and it hurt every time.

She should know better. She shouldn't even care.

Except she knew that Mon-El was better than he pretended, that he was so much more than he let anyone—even himself—believe. Sometimes she thought he was afraid of it, that side of him that was good and noble. She didn't understand it, but she saw that indecision, the hesitation, like he knew he wanted to help but something tried to hold him back. She didn't know if that was a Daxamite thing or if he'd been taught that the instincts he had were wrong.

She just knew that she didn't want to fight with him. She loved watching him discover new things about Earth, loved how infectious his enthusiasm could get, how she almost felt like she was the one who had it all to learn and enjoy all over again.

She could love him for it.

Only when she started to think that, that was when they'd end up fighting and one of them would storm out. The planets that they came from always seemed to come between them, and she didn't know how to bridge that gap.

She wasn't sure they ever would.


	4. The Loneliest Number

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thea and the mess that is (was?) her relationship with Roy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure why I like these two together so much, but I do. I have for a long time, and I keep hoping despite knowing better that they'll have each other in the end.

* * *

Thea knew what it was like to feel alone. She was a rich kid who grew up with privilege and a bit of neglect, and then her world was shattered when her father and brother died on that damned boat. Things weren't the same, much as her mother tried to rebuild. Then she'd gotten Ollie back only to lose her mother, and she was alone all over again.

Malcolm Merlyn was her father. She'd thought, with him, she wasn't alone, not when she had a father again, but he'd used her.

Everyone in her life had used her.

She'd fallen for the bad boy again, and though she'd known going in she'd end up hurt, it hadn't happened the way she'd expected it to. No, instead of her boyfriend pulling a stupid stunt or cheating on her—though he had sort of done that once—it turned out Roy was a bad boy with a heart of gold, the kind of noble that got himself in so much trouble, even under Oliver's guidance.

She sometimes wondered why she'd forgiven either of them for lying to her about that, but then she knew that pull, the need to be a part of things. She'd become one of those heroes herself, joining up after Roy left. She wasn't immune to that feeling, the same one that both the men in her life had caught and never shaken.

What hurt, though, was Roy leaving. He had to, and she told herself she knew that, but Roy was supposed to be different. He wasn't supposed to leave her. He was supposed to fight for her like he had before, like she knew he could.

Only he was too ashamed of himself to stay even if he could have hidden in the city. He'd said he'd stay for her.

He hadn't.

And Thea was alone again.


	5. Rules of Separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity and the up and downs of loving Oliver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I think this is the last of these I'll do for now, though I like the prompt enough that I could revisit it. Just not entirely sure I want to let myself get carried away, either.

* * *

There should be a rule about falling in love with heroes.

Then again, knowing the old her, Felicity would just go and break it, and even if she wasn't that person anymore, she knew that she'd fallen a bit for Oliver long before she'd known he was a hero. If she hadn't been a little in love with him back then—okay, it was a crush, but it was a _big_ crush—then she probably wouldn't have tolerated the whole murdering aspect that was a part of his routine back then.

She had been, in part, responsible for him turning into more of a hero, and she had herself to blame for that, encouraging him to step past the list and do good in other ways.  
She didn't really regret it. She knew that Oliver was the hero the city needed, even if the job was too big for him to carry alone.

She just hadn't expected it to hurt as much as it did, the way he pushed them all away to protect them. He didn't want to care, but he did, and those he cared about always ended up hurt, despite his best intentions.

She knew she'd bleed for him, just like he had for her, multiple times.

She also knew he was terrified of losing any of them like he'd already lost too many people, and that as much as she wanted to be with him, his need to keep them safe by lying would always drive wedges between them.

That, and she couldn't keep him there when he'd made up his mind to leave. As much as she wanted to, she'd never managed to overcome that need in him to fight the battle himself, to do the right thing by taking the whole burden on himself.

He'd leave to keep them safe, and that never did stop hurting.

So did knowing that they'd never really be able to be together, not again.


End file.
